Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Hating and Being Hated

Matthew 5:21-26

21 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder,[a] and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause[b] shall be in danger of the judgment. And whoever says to his brother, ‘Raca!’ shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be in danger of hell fire. 23 Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. 25 Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. 26 Assuredly, I say to you, you will by no means get out of there till you have paid the last penny.

I have been guilty of hatred. I am still struggling with the feelings that I have toward one person in particular, and as I strive to forgive this person (who shall remain completely anonymous in both name and gender), I have been continually convicted of the anger that I feel. My anger has a purpose, but it can no longer be called "righteous." There is nothing that I can do to help or to change this person. Only Yah can do that, and He will, in His time. They  must be open to that change and to recognizing Him in their life. 

At the same time, I deal regularly with being hated, not only by the same person with whom I struggle, but by others as well. I have not always lived a good life, and even now I cannot say that I am where I want to be. There are so many changes that I strive to make on a daily basis. Simple choices can make an enormous difference. These people do not know me as I am now because they don't make an effort to get to know me as I am now. However, the fact is that I have not reached out to them, either, for fear of having my hands slapped away. 

A season of my life is ending now. I cannot continue to sit by and allow this anger and hatred to fester. I have to do something about it. I have worked on forgiveness and I simply haven't gotten that far. But it is time to reach out. I don't know whether or not I will be sending out any kind of cards for the holidays, since I don't celebrate Christmas, but we will see. I think that is probably the best way to open the door of communication and offer to begin speaking to these people again. In the meantime, I must continue to focus on Matthew 5:21-26. It is important to me to let this go and leave it entirely behind me.

Current Goal: My current goal is to learn to organize both my home and my time. This isn't going so well right at the moment, but I am making some progress, even if it isn't steady.
Today's Habit: Today, I was supposed to read my reminders from Flylady. I forgot about it until just now. Oops. The sink still isn't shiny. I have dishes that need to be done and I won't move them out of the sink since it was shining when I put them in there.
Reading: I'm in Chapter 2 of The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle. I was in Chapter 1 yesterday. I forgot that the first chapter is an introduction.
Bible Reading: I am pacing myself through Genesis and picking at Proverbs. 
Memorizing: I am working on memorizing Proverbs 31:10-31 at the moment. For this week/day it is Proverbs 31:10-12.
Praying for: I am praying for my husband's work. Again. I actually overlooked this part of my prayer time yesterday. Oops. I am also praying for the strength to forgive those who have hurt me and the courage to reach out to them. For more information see The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian. I am also praying for calm.
Grateful for: A beautiful day with my daughter. She was so sweet today and we spent a day without television!


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