Monday, May 3, 2010

Crying Out

I am a frustrated young woman. I have a wonderful husband who I love dearly, and a two year old daughter who is very precious to me. While my life certainly isn't perfect, I have so much to be thankful for and am surrounded by so much love. 

It has been a huge source of disappointment for me over the course of the past two years to discover that I'm frustrated. I have moments of bitterness, times when I'm angry or discouraged. I suffer from depression a lot, and am inclined all too often to be short tempered with both my husband and my daughter. I lack a true and abiding spirit of love for others. I give up too easily.

I've not been a very good follower of Messiah. 

I read recently on a head covering site where a woman said that if we wear the covering but are cantankerous that we are a very poor testimony of our faith. I agree, but in agreement I was embarrassed. I fail, it seems, far more often than I succeed. I snap at my husband, yell at our daughter. Most of the time I don't even know why it happens. I certainly don't want for it to be this way.

This is where Ladies Against Feminism comes in. Today I read an article on the site called The Master's Social Worker. By the time I was finished reading, I was in tears.

I am guilty of envy: I envy the women who grew up in homes that were filled with faith in Messiah; I envy those who have had the opportunity to surround themselves with the wise older women of Titus 2. I envy those who have teachers who are patient with them, and who know how to approach another person without exhausting them.

Older women of faith, I don't want to tire you out. Instead, I want the opportunity to be among you one day. To stand tall and strong and be a "Master's Social Worker." I want to be the sunshine of my home and to be a blessing to others. I'm ready, and I'm praying. I've studied Proverbs 31 and Titus 2 so much that I feel as though my brain is going to explode. But it isn't enough. It's not a trek I personally feel I can take alone. And that is, I believe, why YHWH calls the older women to teach to the younger women.

I am frustrated, discouraged, and disappointed. I often can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, though I know that Yeshua is there, waiting for me to take His hand. I just don't know how. If I am an insufficient testimony for Him, it is not for a lack of trying -- it is for a lack of fruitfulness. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I read book after book, but have struggled to find faith-filled female friends (alliteration unintentional).

If you are called, ladies please answer. For each one of you who is called to lead in the community of women (of faith), there is one or more of us who are struggling to make it without leadership or guidance.

Let it be understood that this is not for our husbands to teach us. They are busy with their own responsibilities, and as often as not are struggling with their own spiritual battles. Our answers lie in you, and I personally believe that our needs are best met by the older women of faith.

Our Creator knew that we needed provision. It is why He gave Woman to Man and instructed the older men to counsel the younger men. He counseled the older women to counsel the younger women as well. Please tell me that the world isn't made exclusively of young women... If it is, there are a lot of us out there who need a lot of help!

With all the faith in my heart,


  1. You are not alone. Walking in YHVH is a faithful journey. Keep going, you will see the fruit!
    For YHVH gives wisdom,
    and from His mouth come knowledge and understanding Proverbs 2:6
    Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers, and blessed is he who trusts in the YHVH. Proverbs 16:20
    Soak in the Word! Let it become you.

  2. Thank you so much for this post. I, too, am a frustrated young mother. I have many of the same struggles that you do. I have been praying that the Lord would bring an older, wiser wife/mother into my life because I just don't know what I'm doing. I'll include you in my prayers.

  3. Thank you both! My family went out of town to spend the week with family in Ohio and I wasn't able to check on my blog during that time period.